My father read this to me aloud the other night and I thought it was hysterical and brilliant. He found this web site called lawhaha.com. This is for real...
In U.S. v. McPhee, the defendants were charged with conspiracy to import marijuana, after their boat, the Notty, was intercepted by Coast Guard cutters off the coast of Florida. A key jurisdictional issue was whether the boat was intercepted in the territorial waters of the Bahamas. Defendants argued it was on the basis that the interception occurred within 12 miles of Saint Vincent Rock, which defendants asserted is a Bahamian island. The government argued that Saint Vincent Rock is only a "rock" and does not qualify as an "island." The 11th Circuit agreed, although it conceded the question is not without its nuances:
FN 9. The Government argued that the Notty was in international waters or on the "high seas" because "Saint Vincent Rock is a rock. If it was an island, it would be called Saint Vincent Island, not Saint Vincent Rock." Ultimately, we must determine whether it is a rock or an island according to the statutory definitions provided by the Archipelagic Act. We note in passing that for some purposes, the label is not altogether satisfying. Thus, for example, in the metaphysical sense, we can discern no reason why something could not be both a rock and an island at the same time. See Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel, I am a Rock, on Sounds of Silence (Columbia 1966) ("A winter’s day, in a deep and dark December. I am alone, gazing from my window, to the streets below, on a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow. I am a rock, I am an island. I've built walls, a fortress deep and mighty, that none may penetrate. I have no need of friendship, friendship causes pain. It's laughter and it's loving I disdain. I am a rock, I am an island. Don't talk of love. Well I've heard the word before. It's sleeping in my memory. I won't disturb the slumber of feelings that have died. If I never loved, I never would have cried. I am a rock, I am an island. I have my books and my poetry to protect me. I am shielded in my armor. Hiding in my room, safe within my womb, I touch no one and no one touches me. I am a rock, I am an island. And a rock feels no pain. And an island never cries."). Of course, neither Simon nor Garfunkel has been identified as a nautical expert.
